I found some success when doing the loving kindness exercise. I was able to Take the focus off of my own self and put thought into the statements about others. Since I had been preparing myself mentally for a surgery I found it quite touching to speak out the phrases of all individuals to gain freedom from suffering. I didn't look at this being just physical suffering but suffering in all capacities.
For the integral assessment process, I chose personal and emotional development as areas that I need to focus and improve on. I discovered that I have many scars that are still open wounds. I am afraid to love whole heartedly because of past experiences. I just had surgery on the 31st and the thought of another surgery in the future always creeps into my mind (breast cancer). I managed to lay in bed this morning (only because I am very sore and need assistance) and allowed myself to reflect over aspects of my life that cause me to have personal and emotional issues. I know where to start but I won't have all the answers straightaway, I may not have the answers in a few weeks but I have recognized the root and that is a beginning.
I just have not been able to focus on these practices because of everything else going on in my life presently.
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